Behind Every Smile, There's a Story. Women's Mental Health: Four Powerful Stories

You know something? The older I get, the more I realise that you can look at somebody and have absolutely no idea what's going on in their life. You might see a woman walking down the street, looking fabulous, smiling and it looks like she has everything together, but what you don't see is what happened before she left the house that morning. Maybe she's grieving somebody she desperately misses, struggling with anxiety, battling an addiction or going to work every day feeling completely overwhelmed.

That's the thing about mental health. It doesn't always look the way we expect it to.

World Mental Health Day took place on the 10th of October and I've been thinking about some of the incredible women I've had the privilege of interviewing on the Digg Podcast. Over the years, I've listened to women share their greatest achievements but I have also listened to them tell of If there's one thing those conversations have taught me, it's that nobody has everything figured out, no matter how it might appear from the outside.

So when Wonders Shoes wanted to celebrate Wonderful Women by supporting a conversation that could genuinely help women in both our communities, I knew I wanted to focus on something that affects every single one of us: our mental health. Not what women achieve, what they wear or how much they manage to juggle, but how they actually feel.

Four conversations in particular have had a huge impact on me when it comes to mental health. Each one of these women remind me that we need to be kinder to ourselves so I wanted to share them with you.

Lisa Colhoun: Learning to Live With Grief

Lisa is from my own village of Clonoe, and I remember the shock that went through our community when her husband Christopher passed away at just 33 years old, leaving Lisa with their two wee girls. I can't begin to imagine how you find the strength to navigate a loss like that while trying to raise two young children, but listening to Lisa share her story was a powerful reminder that grief doesn't follow any particular pattern.

Something she said during our conversation has always stayed with me. She explained that although her life has continued to grow, the grief hasn't disappeared; she's simply learned to carry it better. I thought that was such an important message because we sometimes expect people to move on from loss, as though there's a point where everything should be okay again.

But grief doesn't work like that. You can laugh, make new memories and build a happy life while still missing somebody desperately. Lisa reminded me that just because someone appears to be coping doesn't mean they no longer need our support. Sometimes the kindest thing we can do is remember, check in and allow somebody to talk about the person they've lost without feeling they should have moved on by now.

I remember saying to Lisa, “sometimes it’s so difficult to know what to say to someone who is grieving” and she told me, “it’s ok to say nothing. Just let them talk.”

If you would like to listen to my full conversation with Lisa then click here.

Geraldine Leyden: Finding Hope Through Addiction and Recovery

Geraldine's story is very different, but it carries an equally important message about mental health and the courage it takes to ask for help. When she joined me on the Digg Podcast, she spoke openly about her struggles with alcohol addiction and the moment she realised something had to change.

I love how honest Geraldine is and I know you will appreciate that as she takes you through her story. We live in a society where people can be quick to judge somebody struggling with addiction without ever stopping to consider what that person might be going through. Geraldine described reaching a point where she had to choose between continuing to drink and reaching out to see whether there was still hope. Thankfully, she chose to reach out.

Geraldine has been sober since April 2014 and has gone on to support others through Serenity Ten and the Monday Club. I think there's something incredibly powerful about a woman taking some of the most difficult experiences of her life and using them to help somebody else.

Her story reminded me that addiction and mental health struggles should never be met with shame or judgement. We don't always know what has brought somebody to a particular point in their life, and asking for help is not a sign of weakness. Sometimes it's the bravest decision a person will ever make.

I recently met a lady at The Big Day Out event who told me she listened to Geraldine’s conversation with me and she realised she was drinking too much. She told me she reached out to Geraldine and she hasn't drank in seventeen months.

This is the power of women telling their story and other women realising they are not alone.

To listen to my full conversation with Geraldine click here.

Linda Ervine: Finding the Courage to Rebuild Your Life

When I spoke to Linda Ervine on the Digg Podcast, I knew her as a woman who had worked tirelessly to bring communities together and challenge the barriers that divide us. What I didn't know was just how much she had overcome in her own personal life.

Linda spoke openly about experiencing agoraphobia, anxiety and panic attacks, and about having a breakdown when she was just 27 years old. She described a time when everyday life became incredibly difficult, and I think so many women will understand that feeling of being overwhelmed, even if their circumstances are very different.

Even through all of those challenges Linda began to rebuild her life. In her thirties, she returned to education, eventually going to Queen's University, despite still experiencing fear and anxiety. She also spoke about the important role psychotherapy played in helping her understand herself and move forward.

I loved something she said about going to university while still struggling with her mental health: "Everything about it was frightening and overwhelming but I came and I did it.”

I feel like this is such an important thing for us all to remember. We sometimes imagine that we have to overcome all our fears before we can begin doing the things we want to do. Linda's story reminds us that taking those steps forward doesn't always mean the fear disappears. Sometimes it means finding the courage to take a step forward while the fear is still there. Sometimes the fear never goes away but we can silence it by taking action.

Her conversation also highlights something I think we need to talk about more openly and that's the value of getting help. Linda didn't pretend that psychotherapy was easy, but she spoke about how helpful it was in her life. That might be the message another woman needs to hear today. You don't have to have everything figured out, and you don't have to face your struggles alone.

To listen to my full conversation with Linda click here.

Sinéad Brady: When Your Working Life Affects Your Mental Health

One area of women's mental health that I think deserves much more attention is the impact of our working lives. So many women are juggling careers, businesses, children, homes and family responsibilities that it's easy to forget to ask whether they're actually happy with the life they're living.

When I spoke to career psychologist Sinéad Brady on the Digg Podcast, she introduced me to the concept of “rust-out”. Most of us are familiar with burnout, which Sinéad described as feeling "overwhelmed, overstretched, overworked." But rust-out is different. It's the frustration and unhappiness that can come from being stuck in a job that no longer challenges or fulfils you.

I remember thinking about how many women might be experiencing that without even realising it. Perhaps they chose a career when they were 18, but twenty years later they're a completely different person. Yet they feel guilty for wanting something else because they have responsibilities, bills to pay and people depending on them. I totally understand that.

I also understand, we can't all walk away from our jobs tomorrow, but Sinéad's conversation reminded me that our mental health matters in the workplace too. Sometimes looking after ourselves means setting boundaries and maybe having the courage to acknowledge that something needs to change. That’s not easy I know but imagine what could happen if you did?

We spend so much of our lives working that surely it's worth asking whether our working lives are helping us thrive or simply leaving us exhausted.

To listen to my conversation with Sinead click here.

Four Women, Four Stories, One Important Message

When I think about Lisa, Geraldine, Linda and Sinéad, I'm reminded of just how many different ways our mental health can be affected. Grief, addiction, anxiety, depression and workplace stress might seem like very different experiences, but there's one thing connecting all four conversations, we need to be kinder to people, and we need to be kinder to ourselves.

As women, I think we're incredibly good at looking after everybody else. We notice when our children aren't themselves or when someone in our family needs support. How often do we stop and ask ourselves what we need?

Maybe that's something we could all think about. Maybe there's a friend you haven't checked in on for a while, a colleague who seems quieter than usual or a woman in your life who always appears to have everything together. My suggestion is to send her a message or maybe you could give her a call. Book that coffee date. You never know what somebody might be carrying behind that smile and it might mean so much to her to see your name pop up on her phone.

I'm grateful to Wonders for choosing to celebrate Wonderful Women by helping us shine a light on something that matters so much to women in our community. To me, celebrating women isn't just about recognising everything they achieve. It's about recognising everything they carry and reminding them they don't have to carry it all alone.

Behind every smile, there's a story. And every woman deserves to feel heard.

Look after yourselves, and look after each other.

Love,

Caroline x

Mental Health Support Information

If you're struggling with your mental health, please reach out to someone you trust or speak to your GP. Samaritans are available free https://www.samaritans.org/samaritans-ireland/about/northern-ireland/ and Lifeline Northern Ireland offers 24-hour crisis support on 0808 808 8000. You don't have to face difficult times alone.

Written in partnership with Wonders Shoes as part of our Wonderful Women initiative.